The Pursuit of Beauty

My name is Buffy, and i have a problem. i am vain.

And for the record, i don't just mean vain. i mean VAIN. i spend time picking out the perfect colours of makeup for my skintone, the most specific skincare products, the most luxe bath accoutrements. i enjoy pampering myself, and it's nothing to spend an hour getting ready to go somewhere.

Or it used to be like that, anyways.

These days i can only attempt a bubble bath on the bravest of days. It has to be cold outside, or else i'm sure to overheat. My partner has to be home, just in case i overdo it and pass out in a full tub. If i do take a bath, it has to be the only endeavour for the day because it wipes all of my energy -- so no hair or makeup. (Which is fine -- i usually tumble into bed.) So 99% of the time, that means it's a shower day. If i wash my hair, i have to take a break, and then i can either blowdry OR style it because raising my arms for that long makes my blood pressure crazy and i tank out fast. (Usually it gets blowdried, and the second day it gets styled.) 

If i've taken a bath and blowdried my hair, odds are i won't have energy for makeup -- that usually happens the second day as well, and it's usually only a cursory application from my perch in bed: blush to downplay any resemblance to the living dead, concealer to hide the perma-circles, mascara to fake a state of alertness, and sometimes lipstick because i always need the colour these days... and truthfully i was raised Southern, and Southern women do not check the mail without their lipstick in place. (i may be sick, but old habits die hard, y'all.)

On top of this, every so often i have to douse my hair in the strongest old-lady colour i can buy, to hide the ever-increasing patch of gray at the front. (Wth hormones?) I have to shave my legs semi-regularly, because (a) i get paranoid that my partner will eventually begin to dream of Chewbacca when he cuddles up to me in his sleep, and (b) if i don't, it looks like a Chia pet stuffed into cheap pantyhose when i go to put on my compression stockings. Of course, i have a lot of leg, so you can imagine the energy stores this takes.

i don't mean to bitch, i just feel the need to paint a picture to the people who can do this every day before working an 8-hour shift. When you take it for granted, it's easy to miss how hard it is for people who have certain limitations. But enough of that, back to how vain i am:

Today, i managed some of this: i faked a hairstyle with extensions and a ponytail, and i spent time in bed with my full makeup kit. And i updated my Facebook photo with a picture i actually like. This is accomplishment enough for me at this point, i'm slowly learning to celebrate even the tiniest of victories -- but i've had friends comment on how cute it is, and thanks to my vanity (which is quite possibly the only part of me that is not sick) i'm in the clouds. =) i may be sick, and i may have purple feet just out of frame, and i may have taken a 2 hour nap after the exertion of all that face-painting... but i've still got it, if even just a little =)))